The past week has been a blur, a fog, an endless night. But not a lovely starry night. A dark stain on the fabric of humanity. My heart is broken. But the show must go on. I vow to keep fighting, and keep fighting the only way I know how. I will continue to read. I have been reading more and more diversely, and vow to keep going in that direction. I will support writers of color, all genders, and races. I will read more women than men. I will give an ear to marginalized voices. I will write diversely, and educatedly, as well. I never have felt comfortable writing male characters. I will learn how to do that, but I will also hone my skills as a writer who writes about women. I will focus now more than ever on my dreams and goals because when us women individually achieve our goals, in the end we will all be closer to achieving our global goals. I will write even when it feels like no one is reading. I will submit my writing even when it doesn’t feel like the solicitation is for me. I will write in my journal and on my blog and in my virtual classroom. And I will wow the fuck out of myself and others, both longtime fans and those who have never met me. And I will champion you. My friend the filmmaker/yogi/barista. My friend who is looking forward to a career in social work. My friend who is going for her law degree. Women all around the world I don’t know, but who are doing extraordinary and great things.
I have been MIA from this blog because of work and school. But I cannot be MIA from my own life anymore. This blog is important to me because it gives me a voice. I will be posting more book reviews, as this is primarily a book blog. But I will also be posting essays, opinions, my voice. I will be using this as my platform to speak my mind. The middle of my journey towards getting my Masters degree has been rough. I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders from my job, my government, my family, my school, myself. I have been more about pleasing others, but it is time to please myself. So I have been putting school first, because I want to finish and walk away with my head held high and a new degree on my shoulders. I prioritized my job second because it gives me the means to eat food and pay rent, even when I hate the work and don’t have money left over to pay other necessary bills, let alone fun. I try to give enough time to my family and friends, to prove that I am “good,” a “good daughter,” a “good friend,” a “good sister,” a “good daughter-in-law.” But in prioritizing all of these things that make up a facet of myself, I left out my love of writing, and my love of French, and my love of independence.
My path has changed many times, but whenever I get back on track I always have the same thoughts in mind. It is no mistake that the best grade I got in one of my classes this semester was on an essay on Music and Literature informing each other. This is something I love to write about, and will write about here on this blog. It is no mistake that a story that has been floating around in my head but was never good enough to sit down and write is finally coming together, with France as the glue, after I recently vowed to myself to get a Teaching English as a Foreign Language Certificate so that I could teach English in France.
We all have a core, and while many things about us change and grow over time, our core is always our essence, always guiding us. Listen to your core and let it guide you.
Thank you for reading.