How to NOT Be a Writer:

  1. Don’t read, like ever. Reading is way too inspiring, and will throw you into a labyrinth of ideas that will make you want to write your heart out. If you give in to these urges to write, you may become a writer. And you don’t want that.
  2. Don’t write, at all. This may seem like a redundant tip, because the title of this artical is literally “How to NOT Be a Writer.” But, anyone can write. It takes more than just writing to be a writer. Yet – writing is the beginning and end of becoming a writer. So don’t blog, don’t even write in a journal. Don’t give yourself any indication that you could or would write- just do not do it.
  3. Don’t even journal. Don’t take your personal thoughts, dreams, aspirations, and anger out on the page. Don’t let yourself start writing, even a sentence a day. Sure, it only will take a minute or two to write one sentence. But what if that one sentence turns into three or four paragraphs?! Then, you’ll be in trouble.
  4. Dick around on the internet a lot. Whenever you get the urge to write (which is hopefully not often!!!!) just go onto your computer and open up the internet! There is so much to do and see from candy crush to netflix, and I can almost guarantee it will keep you occupied forever! You won’t need writing!
  5. Work a grueling job, and succumb to laziness when you come home. You still have inspiration and ideas, right? WRONG! Not when you work with the public, or under the watchful eye of a boss all day.  Gone are the days when cameras were expensive and un-ubiquitous. All workplaces have them! Therefore, even if an idea sneaks into your brain, you absolutely cannot and will not be able to write it down. Big brother is watching you!
  6. Allow yourself to be distracted. Yeah, you might be tempted to write, but can you with your fiance playing video games across the room? Can you write with Britney Spears blaring through your laptop speakers? Can you write with lots of shiny things on your desk? Professional writers all have their own writing routines (or lack of routines!) and have learned to write through the bullshit and distractions. But YOU are trying NOT to become a writer. So you must succumb to the distractions and allow yourself to disengage from the writing process.
  7. If you write by accident, don’t submit it anywhere. You don’t want anyone to read your writing and hate it. If someone you’ve never met (let alone someone you have met!!!) doesn’t like your writing, it’s all over for you. Your whole world will come crashing down.
  8. If all else fails, write. Write something down so that you can see how garbage your writing is, and how it’s not even worth it at all. Don’t bother to keep practicing to see how you improve over time. Enroll in a writing class, and dropout a week later when you see how much better of a writer everyone else is.

What are your tips for staying away from writng?

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